Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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