Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
