i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
