Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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