I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
