I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
