People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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