His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
