"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
