____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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