FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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