I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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