You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize