Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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