I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
