You made me cry and you don't even care
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
