Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
