Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That's how pantless uber rides happen
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
