I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
