kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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