she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize