I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
