Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
