My room smells like vodka and shame
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
