I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
