i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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