How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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