just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
