He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
