I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
