i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
its not stalking. its research.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
