dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
