Your face is a jimmy john
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
