Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
