And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Randomize
