I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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