I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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