omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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