You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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