do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
