he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
