If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize