Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
