to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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