i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
