well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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