I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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