I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
