Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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