You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
3pm strippers are depressing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
