I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
