Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
