I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
