Apparently you make a good broom.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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