He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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