just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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