I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
