get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
