porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
