Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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