Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
