i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
