swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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