Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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