no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
