I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
