Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
